October 2014

The smile

I was moody that day, and too irritated to ask myself why. Constantly biting back the sharp things my mind produced, begging to be flung at everybody who crossed my path.

I attended all my meetings, won every argument, and quickly lost what was left of myself. By lunchtime even my shadow was long gone. It’s science you know? They leave with the light. Some things are wonderfuly predictable that way.

My anger marched ahead like a forcefield. Demanding to be known, to be felt. Gripping its jaws around every inch of calm or kindness, craving the rip. The scream.

The wake of my resistance set the pace. Drumming out an angry rhythm, and I was determined to follow. Giving myself willingly. Wildly. Screaming at every inch of every thing. Even outraged at the audacity of the air that would dare to touch me without granted permission.

I arched my back, threw my head, and hurled my rage towards the sky. Begging the world for battle!

And that was the moment when, by some miracle, I noticed Him.
Smiling at me. Of all things.

Smiling!

Showing me kindness. Loving on me. Beaming the warmth of His eyes across my every inch. Unaffected by my… well, by me. Living beyond the reach of change. Even mine.

In the days there after I would encounter His smile just as I did in the days before,but the specific shade of THAT smile has been warming my heart and cooling my fear ever since.

You see – He is unafraid. Even of us.